just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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