No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
