dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
