i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
