So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
