hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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