My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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