Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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