TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
