Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
