My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
