Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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