either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
