Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
