I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
