So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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