that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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