1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
