It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
