Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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