Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
