If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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