Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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