Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
