I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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