If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
