Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
