it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
