My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
