i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
