Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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