just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
