How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I wish there were birth control emojis
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
