went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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