i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This is my gift to your gina
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
