Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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