hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
