Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
