he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
