yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you are never too drunk for berry picking
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
