You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
