every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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