i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
