but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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