She's JV to your varsity
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
