with your own penis?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
