Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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