You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Randomize
