Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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