I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just pee around me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
