Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm like, not good at living.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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