i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
