What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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