8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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