I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
