Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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